Archive for the ‘Pop Culture Haikus’ Category

Pop Culture Haikus: Disney Renaiisance Edition

Thursday, January 9th, 2014

When I was growing up during the 1990s, there were a lot of great entertainment options available to me.  Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Fox Kids, and Kids WB all had great lineups of live-action and cartoon shows that could keep me entertained for hours before and after school.  I subscribed to a host of interesting magazines (Nick Mag and Disney Adventures, you will be missed!) and read through an endlessly-growing collection of books.  One of the most memorable entertainment sources for me during this time, though, was the long string of fantastic animated films released by Disney during this time.  This period has become known as the Disney Renaiisance because the quality of the animation, artistry, music, and other elements of these films were amazingly high; I was a bit too young to appreciate such finer details, but I did really like these movies.  As a small tribute to this period from 1989 to 1999, I present the following Pop Culture Haikus, one seventeen-syllable poem for each film released during this time.

The Little Mermaid

Sea girl meets nice boy./Mean witch steals ocean girl’s voice./Witch becomes fish food.  Nice boy is confused./”Why does the nice girl have fins?”/Just kiss the girl, boy!

The Rescuers Down Under

Aussie boy is kidnapped./Cute U.N. mice rescue him./Boy saved by vermin!  This had an eagle/that the Aussie boy flew on./That’s all I recall.  (Still, that eagle ruled!/Come on, a freaking eagle!/I ride eagle next?)

Beauty and the Beast

Girl meets furry boy./Beast defends her, loves her true./Aw, they got married!  Gaston was a jerk./He didn’t treat Belle nice much./Furry boy much nicer!  Feel bad for Gaston, though./Being thrown off cliff must hurt./Hope landing was soft!

Aladdin

Boy meets nice princess./Boy uses magic to impress./Girl likes real men more.  Jafar wants power./Magic makes him more snake-like./Audience: “Boo!  Hiss!”  Genie is funny./True, he turns into weird things./Still, he’s pretty nice.

The Lion King

Mufasa has son,/Dies at hands of jerk brother./Can son become king?  Son gets two new friends./They tell him, “Not to worry.”/I think he should care.  Simba faces Scar,/Surrounded by hot lava./Better than Ali fight!  Peace reigns in Pride Lands/Because Simba won the battle./Life’s circle rolls on!

Pocahantas

Princess meets nice boy./It’s reverse of Aladdin!/Disney recycles plots!  John Smith is nice man./He loves native princess much./Doesn’t quite get girl.  Radcliffe big, greedy./Cares nothing for natives, only gold./He’s a blowhard jerk!  Pokey and John meet,/Get along though differences/Keep them both apart.

Hercules

A kid from the gods:/”Greece is chock-full of monsters./Let me save it, please?”  Hades, big bad guy:/”Jerkules wins, I burn up./Get me an aspirin!”  I like the muses much./Best Greek chorus ever filmed!/”That’s the gospel truth!”  Pegasus was neat./Large white winged horse impressed all./Rainbow Dash still coolest!

Mulan

Legendary girl/Saved China from the Hun hordes,/Also found husband.  Mushu is cute help./He’s rivals with small cricket./They’ll soon get along fine.  Shang is big captain/In fledgling Chinese army./First big test is Huns.  Mulan can help out./She’ll go as a boy soldier./She’s tougher than most!

Tarzan

Legendary man/Raised by apes, king of jungle/Heard this all before?  Terk’s Tarzan’s best friend./Brooklyn accent in Africa?/Normal for Rosie!  “Trashin’ the Camp” song/Backstreet Boys sing great doo-wop!/Too bad the camp’s trashed…  Clayton hunts big apes/Tarzan says, “That’s not okay!/This hunt is postponed!”  Ape man meets Jane girl/Ape man likes Jane girl heap lots/Maybe they’ll elope?

Do you like Disney?/How about these haikus?  Hmm?/Leave comments below.

Pop Culture Haikus: Batman Arkham Origins Edition

Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
I could've sworn I saw Superman wearing this one time...

The Batman logo: because even mysterious, shadowy vigilantes need an easily identifiable corporate symbol.

Batman Arkham Origins is the third in a series of highly successful video games starring one of the most famous comic book superheroes.  The game depicts a young Bruce Wayne only two years into his crime-fighting career.  Gotham City is celebrating Christmas Eve, but the Dark Knight will not be able to celebrate a “silent night” for very long.  Gang leader Black Mask has placed a fifty million dollar bounty on Batman’s head and eight of the world’s deadliest assasins have come to Gotham to try to collect.  Even worse, the corrupt Gotham City police, viewing Batman as a vigilante and threat to the common good, will not hesitate to fire upon the Caped Crusader.  I purchased a copy of the game recently and have had a lot of fun exploring the world of Batman’s early days.  So, once again, I feel it is appropriate to pay tribute to some of the game’s characters, settings, and important objects in the form of Japan’s signature “five, seven, five” poem style.  They are probably the closest thing Gotham is going to get to actual Christmas carols this holiday season, so feel free to hum along.

Batman

Gotham’s darkest knight/Young, inexperienced man/Must become fearsome.

Gotham City

The night rules this town./Crime and corruption touch all./Who turned out the lights?

Black Mask

Mob boss hides his face/Owns criminals and police/Yet he’s just human…

Enigma

Mysterious foe/Challenges Bat to find clues/He’ll be Riddler soon.

Penguin

Likes gangs and gambling/Dresses henchmen in parkas/Prefers small sardines.

Batwing

Batmobile as plane/Takes Bruce from point A to B/Without turbulence.

Final Offer

Penguin’s gambling sub/Home to secret “fight club” brawls/”Bird” keeps all the bets.

Batcave

Bats’ hero HQ/Not much to look at just yet/Still, home to cool bats.

Batmobile

Sits in cave corner/Just chassis, still being built/Can I drive it soon?

Blackgate Prison

Houses criminals/Just ordinary bad guys/Arkham holds supers.

Captain Jim Gordon

Commissioner?  No./Fights his own bosses a lot/May work with Bats soon…

Crime Scene Reconstruction

 Bruce scans clues, solves crimes/Digital recreations/Computer sees all.

Alfred

Batman’s only friend/Sidekick way before Robin/Lot funnier, too.

Bruce Wayne

Came back from exile/Has a small, slight social life/Keeps mostly to himself…

Batman Arkham Origins provides a great portrayal of a period in Batman’s history which, while explored almost to exhaustion in the comics, has not really been featured very prominently in other media.  I am looking forward to exploring every inch of this early version of Gotham City and seeing what other surprises await me.  If you’ve played through Arkham Origins, what do you think of the game?  Would you like to see more of this particular part of the Bat-mythos?  Let me know in the comments, and keep tuning in for more Pop Cultures Haikus and other cool stuff, same Bat-time, same Bat-blog!

Pop Culture Haikus: WWE Edition

Monday, October 14th, 2013

Paragon Fantasy Wrestling ArenaPop Culture Haikus are the traditional Japanese poem style (remember the syllable rule: “Five for one, seven for two, five for three”) reworked to fit today’s biggest pop culture icons.  For the first edition of this feature, the characters of Marvel’s Agents of Shield were immortalized in haikus.  For this second installment, I wanted to pay tribute to one of my favorite pastimes (since 2006, anyway).  The following haikus are based on some of my favorite colorful personalities of the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment; at least, that’s what it went by until WWE decided to simply go by its initials in 2011, but who knows with those guys anymore?).  Links to each subject’s Wikipedia page is provided for those interested in learning more about them.  If you want to see them in action, just search their names on YouTube or Google; trust me, you’ll find more than enough information on each person – more than you would have thought possible!

John Cena

The champ’s moral code:/”Hustle, loyalty, respect.”/Not bad for a start!

CM Punk

Chicago’s toughest/Antihero to many/It’s clobbering time!

3MB

Three men in a tub/Claim to be a real rock band/Can’t carry a tune.

Hulk Hogan

The Three Demandments:/”Eat vitamins, say prayers, train.”/Works wonders, bro!

Randy Savage

“Macho Madness” rules./Adrenaline and chaos/Elizabeth loves!

WrestleMania

The grand stage is set./The players combat gladly./Winner: box office.

Monday Night Raw

A three hour tour/Live, free, quality wrestling/Something for nothing.

Vincent Kennedy McMahon

Wrestling mastermind/From commentator to boss/He’s longest-tenured.

Howard Finkel

Iconic talker/Voice of all the biggest shows/First and still the best!

The haikus are done/What do you think of them, hmm?/Comment below, please!