Paragon Fantasy Wrestling Part 3.5: An Elite Halloween

Paragon Fantasy Wrestling ArenaThe fourth installment of Kellogg Thoughts’ premier (and only) fantasy wrestling league finds our heroes and villains gathered for a special Halloween edition of Thursday Night Elite.  The fans are in for a real treat as the wrestlers will likely use every trick they know to try to come away with a victory, but two particular “Halloweenies” will pull a heinous act that might leave most old-school wrestlers rolling in their graves. 

One quick note: I forgot that the previous installment promised a different set of matches for the next edition of “Elite,” so consider this installment a special episode.  We’ll cover all of those other matches (Kendall Catcher vs. Rick Orson, Jeb Colt vs. Fire Sumo, Clarion talking to Warp Galactic about a “business proposal”) in the next installment.  Besides, I thought the idea of having the characters in costume for the Halloween season was too good to pass up!  So, enjoy this special supercard of fantasy costumed wrestling! 

Thursday, October 31- 8:00 P.M.

There is a chill in the air, but that hasn’t stopped fans from rapidly filling the Paragon Fantasy Wrestling arena for a holiday edition of “Thursday Night Elite.”  Halloween is upon us in Paragon City, Illinois, so Paragon Wrestling officials have allowed fans and wrestlers alike to come in costume.  (The wrestlers are allowed to wear the costumes only during their entrances and must take them off before their matches begin.)  As an added bonus, any and all fans who decide to arrive in costume get a free goody bag with a few candies and neat autographed 8×10 photos of some of Paragon’s top stars.  Some of those stars will be in action on the card tonight, with two notable undercard fights featuring up-and-coming wrestlers and an epic tag team main event.

The first match of the night pits Billy “Bo” Roberts against Kendall Catcher.  Country star wannabe Bo is dressed as a giant red-and-blue electric guitar (with the guitar’s stem adorning the top of his head) while “Mister Capsule Mons” Catcher’s costume makes him look like a giant green cow.  “Goooood evening, everyone,” Kendall says to the crowd over the arena’s sound system.  “What do you think of my new Milkmon costume?”  A collective groan rises from the audience in response to this lame pun, the loudest groans coming from a group of kids in Old McDonald and animal costumes seated at ringside.  Bo replies, “How about you mooooove on over and let a real costume take the spotlight?”  He proceeds to lightly bop Kendall on the head with the stem of his electric guitar and takes in a smattering of cheers.  “Milkmon” mooooves to a corner of the ring and sulks a bit as he takes off his costume.  Bo takes off his guitar costume as well and moves to the center of the ring ready to grapple with Kendall as the bell sounds to start the match.

Roberts locks up with Catcher, both opponents flexing their arms and struggling for the initial bit of leverage.  Catcher loudly “moos” at Roberts in an attempt at intimidation, but Bo maintains his composure and the crowd boos even louder at Catcher.  Roberts gains leverage and pushes Catcher down onto the mat.  Because Catcher’s shoulders touch the mat, the referee is obliged to consider this a pinfall and reaches a count of two before Kendall can break away.  Kendall grips Roberts and attempts to lift him up onto his shoulders, but Bo shifts his weight and slides back down, grabbing Kendall’s arms and puts his right foot into Kendall’s back to pull his arms in a devastating stretch.  Kendall screams in pain and walks quickly toward the ropes.  He grabs the top rope and the referee instructs Roberts to let go of the hold before the count of five.  Bo breaks it up at two.

Catcher goes for a clothesline, but Bo grabs his arm and twists it, causing more pain signals to shoot through the nerves in Kendall’s arm.  Kendall takes this wrenching motion in stride and sticks his leg out, tripping Bo up and causing his body to crash to the mat.  Kendall goes for the pin, but only gets to two before Bo kicks out.  Kendall gestures to Bo for another lock up, but Bo instead spins him around and slams him headfirst into the mat with a running bulldog powerslam.  Kendall tries to get up and turn his head in Bo’s direction, but Bo latches onto Kendall’s head and applies a crippling crossface submission maneuver.  The pressure of the hold incapacitates Catcher leaving him with no choice but to tap out in defeat.

“Here is your winner, Billy ‘Bo’ Roberts,” the announcer excitedly tells the crowd in attendance.  Bo takes in the adulation and throws in a few air guitar moves for good measure.  Catcher gets up from the mat and raises Bo’s arm in a show of good sportsmanship, then goes to the remains of his “Milkmon” costume lying on the arena floor.  He pulls out some strange green milk and says to Bo, “Here, winner.  You ought to try some of this stuff, it’s good for you!”  Bo turns down the offer and walks back to the locker room.  Catcher shouts after him, “Wait!  If you try this, the Good Moo Goo Milk Company will give you a big endorsement check!  That’s how I was able to get this costume for tonight!”  It’s too late, though; Bo is already gone.  “Ah well, I think I’ll have a glass for myself then!”  He produces a glass from his costume and fills it with the green milk.  He guzzles it down, leading to more loud groans and gags from the audience.  “Come on, it’s mint flavored!” Catcher tells the crowd as Elite cuts to a commercial break.

Thursday, October 31- 9:12 P.M.

The Finisher walks to the ring in his traditional gear.  Once he climbs into the ring, he explains why he is not joining in Elite’s Halloween festivities.  “I have chosen to go without a costume this evening because I believe my wrestling abilities should be enough to scare away most spirits.  While the rest of you cowards hide behind masks and cower in your costumes, I, the Finisher, will face these fears head-on and show them why I am the only thing to be feared on this planet.”

“The only thing you’ll be fearing is the long arm of justice!” shouts Rick “Super Kid” Orson as he lowers himself from the arena ceiling on invisible piano wire, clad in a red singlet and his traditional yellow mask and black-stars-on-cheeks facepaint.  “I have been waiting for a chance to analyze you up close.  How come your offense of only finishers is so effective?  Are you hiding something from all of us?  You are hiding something, aren’t you?  Give up what you’re hid-”

Before Orson can finish his sentence, the Finisher has already grabbed him by the legs and spun him in a giant arc.  After five or so revolutions, the Finisher lets go and sends “Super Kid” flying into the corner.  The Kid gets up and the bell rings to start the match.  Before Orson can regain his senses, the Finisher is all over him, scooping him up in a standing crossface chickenwing maneuver.  Bob Backlund‘s favorite wrestling hold is enough to make Orson pass out.  With Orson passed out, the bell rings to end the match, but the Finisher keeps the chickenwing locked on for a few more seconds before letting go at the referee’s urging and the crowd’s protests.  The Finisher has once again demonstrated how the power of one wrestling hold applied at the right time in the right way can decide the outcome of a match.  Can anyone finish the Finisher?

Thursday, October 31- 9:56 P.M.

Elite comes back from its final commercial break with the main event match already in progress.  The tag team attraction of Clarion (whose costume is a lime-green toga) and Warp Galactic (an asteroid) vs. Ricky Bolero (a cowboy riding a papier-mache bull) and Fire Sumo (Japanese calligraphy spelling out his name on a cape) has been nothing short of the epic that was promised to fans.  With all of Warp’s gloating about the future, one would think he would not get on well with the ancient Greek stylings of Clarion.  However, much to everyone’s surprise, Clarion and Warp have actually gotten along very well, dominating most of the match while Bolero and Sumo have been trying to figure their opponents out.  The ringside commentators have speculated that the “business proposal” between Warp and Clarion has fueled their desire to win this match, and judging from the way they have been firing on all cylinders this night, that might possibly be the case. 

Warp has just sent Ricky to the canvas with a European uppercut variation that he calls the “Venusian uppercut.”  Ricky crawls over to Fire Sumo while Warp tags in Clarion.  The self-styled “Greek god” hurries over to Ricky and pulls him by the leg back to the bad guys’ corner.  Clarion gets down to the mat and starts putting a figure-four leglock on Ricky.  When he has it fully cinched in, he bends himself upward to tag in Warp.  Warp climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off spread eagle style and lands on Ricky’s stomach.  Ricky winces but holds onto Warp’s leg for a brace and gets back up.  He continues to hold onto the leg and pulls it out from under Warp, putting him in an anklelock. 

Now it’s Bolero’s turn to drag Warp over to the good guys’ corner.  Just before Ricky can make the tag to Fire Sumo, Warp breaks free and makes it over to tag Clarion.  Ricky tags in Fire Sumo who quickly moves to intercept Clarion.  The crowd roars with cheers and boos as Sumo and Clarion exchange blows.  Clarion rocks Sumo with cumulative open-fist punches to the chest, but the big man is still maintaining his balance.  Clarion then backs into the ropes and charges at Sumo with a wild clothesline.  Sumo blocks the Paragon Elite Champion and pushes him down onto the mat.  He jumps up and, with feet out, lands seat-first on Clarion knocking the wind out of him.  Sumo drags Clarion over to a neutral corner, climbs onto the top rope, and prepares himself for a high-flying maneuver which would surely finish Clarion off. 

It would have, but Warp moves around the ring apron to where Sumo is perched and pushes him over the side.  While this is happening, Clarion gets up and distracts the referee with an argument about his “terrible officiating.”  Clarion then covers the dazed Sumo for a three-count while Warp knocks Ricky off the apron during the count to prevent him from breaking it up, thus ensuring that the bad guys win.

After the match, Clarion and Warp address the fans saying, “We just wanted to tell you that we have mutually agreed to a business deal.  Next week, you’ll learn all the details.  For now, though, here’s a little hint.”  The lights dim in the arena.  The fans are confused and a bit agitated.  A loud rumbling can be heard coming from the entranceway.  When the lights come back on, an armored SWAT team-like van is parked on the entrance ramp.  Clarion and Warp pick Ricky up from the arena floor and toss him into the open doors of the “paddy wagon.”  Warp climbs back into the ring, picks Sumo up with some difficulty, and tosses him over the ropes to where the wagon is parked.  Clarion gets Sumo into the van and closes the doors.  Clarion and Warp get in and drive up the entrance ramp and out of the arena, the good guys still inside and the fans more confused and alarmed than ever.

The commentators are just as frustrated as the fans are.  “What kind of business proposal necessitates the use of a police van like that?  What could this possibly mean?” one announcer says to his partner.  “Well, looks like we’ll have to wait and hear from Clarion and Warp next week, and hopefully, they’ll have an explanation,” the other replies.  The advertised matchup of Jeb Colt vs. Fire Sumo is obviously up in the air, but Kendall Catcher will be free to take on Rick Orson, and the business deal will be fully addressed on the next Thursday Night Elite!

What do you think of our ongoing storylines and character development?  Would you like to see more “holiday-themed” episodes in the future?  Let me know in the comments, fight fans!


Leave a Reply