Random Top Five: Super-Things I Think Superman Could Team Up With

The other day, I wrote a post about Superman which helped me to work out a lot of my thoughts on the Man of Steel.  While I was writing this, however, I kept thinking of the legion of “Super-Pets” which Clark Kent and company have been associated with in the past.  Superman has Krypto the Superdog, his cousin Supergirl has a cat named Streaky and a flying horse named Comet, and when Clark was still a boy, Superboy had a Kryptonian monkey named Beppo for a pet (still no word if the Monk of Might had any cousins named Harpo, Chico, or Zeppo).  I wonder if there are any other super-animals or other things Superman and his friends could rely on to watch over the world when they’re away in space, in some other time period, or caught up in some other strange nonsense.  There’s got to be plenty of other candidates for getting the superpower treatment lying around Metropolis.  Here’s a few ideas I came up with for alternative (and alliterative; using the same letter over and over gets you big points with the people) “Heroes of Tomorrow.”  I am writing this under the assumption that just about anything and anyone could become a superhero, and after some of the strange things I’ve read about in comics, I feel that just might be true.  Also, even though I can imagine that being born on Krypton or encountering red kryptonite or magic could account for most of their powers, I won’t go into these heroes’ possible origins.  I’m pretty sure DC Comics would just change those particular stories in one of its every-two-decades continuity rewrites, anyway. 

5. Rocky the Super-Rock

The world’s beaches contain a lot of sand and water, but since there’s already a Sandman and Hydro-Man in comic books already, why not come up with a hero that can represent all of the rocks on the beach as well, someone who doesn’t look as lumpy and misshapen as the Thing?  Rocky would have the requisite flying and super-strength that all “Supers” seem to have, but he would have the added advantage of being able to blend in with all of the other stones on the beach.  If criminals tried to make a getaway in a speedboat or try sailing away from the dock, Rocky would jump up into the air and fly straight for the boat, using his own body to knock out the bad guys or smash the boat to pieces.  He would surely keep lifeguards busy.

4. Carl the Super-Cardboard Cutout

It seems to me that Superman was always doing some kind of charitable work or autograph signing back in the early comic books.  Sometimes such events conflicted with his crime patrol, so he usually recruited a robot double from his Fortress of Solitude to fill in for him in one role while he concentrated on the other.  I imagine, though, that these robots might be less than reliable at times, such as if one of them was malfunctioning or following “evil” programming left behind by a nefarious hacker.  Who could Superman rely on, then, to “pinch hit” for him?  This is where Carl the Super-Cardboard Cutout could come in handy.  He serves the same stand-in purposes that Superman’s robots do, with the added advantage of being more portable.  I’m sure that most people wouldn’t notice Supe’s sudden slimming-down, and Lois Lane might be too infatuated with the Man of Steel to care either way.  Carl could also fit under the thin cracks of doors and windows of evildoers’ hideouts to sneak a peek into their schemes.  If Lex Luthor let a little fresh air in through his windows, Carl could easily eavesdrop!  Pun intended!!        

 3. Pam the Super-Pen

Besides his superpowers, the most important tool in Superman’s arsenal is the writing tools he uses to compose stories as a mild-mannered reporter.  I feel it would stand to reason, then, that one of these tools may serve as an extra set of eyes at the Daily Planet offices whenever Clark Kent feels a sudden urge to visit a phone booth (By the way, how come those are still in Metropolis?).  Pam could have a prime perch in the collection of writing utensils in the “I Heart News” mug in Clark’s cubicle, keeping track of the latest developments around the world as it comes into the newsroom and relaying the most urgent bits to Superman when he returns.  In addition, she could come in handy for righting the wrongs of daily office life such as loading more paper into printers so a steady supply is always on hand or instantly correcting mistakes in coworkers’ work while their backs are turned.  Not to mention that if Lois comes lurking around Clark’s desk area looking for proof of his super-identity, Pam could squirt her in the face with ink to distract her.  Of course, it might be hard for her to forget a flying pen, but who knows, she could just think it was just her overactive imagination…

2. Carla the Super-Claw Machine

Superman has been and, I feel, probably always will be associated with children.  It makes sense to me, then, that one of his super-helpers ought to be something children are attracted to as well.  How about a claw machine in one of the seedier “family eating” establishments?  Carla could be set up in a spot near the restaurant’s entrance where she can keep watch over all who come into and out of the building.  A discreet use of X-ray vision could serve as an effective deterrent against gun-toting robbers with intentions of commandeering the cash register.  If Carla was in the right position, she could also probably have a good look at the feed from the restaurant’s security camera network, effectively giving her the ability to safeguard the whole establishment.  Being a claw machine with shatterproof glass, Carla can’t just fly over to knock out the bad guys; instead, she has developed the power of mind control, subtly influencing bad guys to just give up and leave.  That way, the kids and parents in the restaurant can eat safely without undue worry.

1. Sammy the Super-Snail (or Atom Ant, if Supes pays the proper licensing fees)

Atom Ant was always an unusual hero to me.  He was absurdly small for a superhero, but somehow he had greatly enhanced strength (not too unusual for a creature known to naturally lift things hundreds of times its size, but I’m pretty sure most ants couldn’t effortlessly lift a Sherman tank), an internal “radar” instinct which seemed to cover entire the entire city in which he lived, and the ability to fly using “atomic power.”  Those powers could come in very handy if Superman could bring them to bear, but the question is if Atom Ant would be willing to play ball or if he would just ask for more money first (according to Wikipedia, he’s got a big movie deal coming up soon, so I could understand if he’s got a huge ego right now).  Supes doesn’t exactly carry money on him, so he might look for a cheaper method of getting a small bug-like creature on his team, perhaps one with a home base in the park in Metropolis’s center.  Chances are he might come across someone like Sammy the Super-Snail who has some useful powers in his own right.  For instance, Sammy can’t fly, but he has inherited Superman’s impressive leaping ability from the early days of Action Comics in the late 1930s, meaning he could easily leap tall soda cans in a single bound if the need should arise.  His super-vision isn’t up to snuff just yet, but he is quite knowledgeable about parental supervision, watching over his two young cousins Susie and Stuart every other weekend.  Most importantly, while he does not and probably never will have really fast moving ability, he does have hyper-spacial awareness, taking in details in a split-second and pointing out things most other creatures, even Superman himself, would never even notice.  Of course, if Supes is looking for a real burst of super-speed, he could call up the new DreamWorks movie hero Turbo the racing snail, but again, monetary concerns, people.

What do you think of these potential recruits for Clark Kent’s super-team?  Can you think of any other candidates for super-sidekick status?  Let me know in the comments.

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